Been a while since I had
done
any
actual
blog writing.
I have
been
busy
researching
a government
program
coming
to every
US school
district,
and
gearing
up to try
and
stop
it,
by way
of writing
local
newspapers
and
a run
for
School Board in a few
weeks.
Something happened
last
night
that took
me back
30 years
or
so
and
has been
occupying
my brain
for
the
last
12 hours.
I walk into the room and they look up. They put their heads together and begin talking and staring and pointing at me. I look down and try and find a seat out of the way, and will myself to disappear. What will it be today, Annie anorexic, Cambodian child, Olive oil or is it my eyes today,-frog eyes, boulder eyes, bug eyes. Doesn't really matter, every nick name I would hear would chip away a piece of my soul, my self-worth. I didn't go through my adolescence saying 'Look at me!' it was more like, 'I'm sorry for breathing your air, I have to be here, could you just ignore me, and not say mean things?'
Even though I grew up knowing my worth in Christ, what I thought I knew could not compete with what I was told every day in school.
Thank God that He uses painful things in our lives to mold us into whom He wants us to be. I am not the same quiet, meek, too tall, too skinny, always apologizing for my existence kind of girl. I actually have battled the bulge for the last 12 years, (kids will do that to you). Because I had the experience of being bullied, not in the push and shove, getting beat up kind of bullied, but in the ripping out your soul bit by bit way-I have chosen to raise my boys to not only be kind to those that are different, but to take up for the underdog. I am so proud of my boys.
So last night "when I walked into the room and they looked up and they put their heads together and begin talking and staring at me, I stared them down. They looked away. When they looked up to see if I was still looking, I smile and nod." They were 3 different generations of mean girls, I could tell. I'm not going anywhere, I have a voice, I deserve to have a place at the table.
I write this today to encourage you. When you are facing a situation or a battle that you think may be too much. That you can't do it. It's too big, remember that God has molded you and brought you through everything in your life for this time. Everything that has happened to you is a chapter in your book, His book, to be used for His purpose. Keep your head up and your hand on the plow. Don't give up.
Romans 8:28
I walk into the room and they look up. They put their heads together and begin talking and staring and pointing at me. I look down and try and find a seat out of the way, and will myself to disappear. What will it be today, Annie anorexic, Cambodian child, Olive oil or is it my eyes today,-frog eyes, boulder eyes, bug eyes. Doesn't really matter, every nick name I would hear would chip away a piece of my soul, my self-worth. I didn't go through my adolescence saying 'Look at me!' it was more like, 'I'm sorry for breathing your air, I have to be here, could you just ignore me, and not say mean things?'
Even though I grew up knowing my worth in Christ, what I thought I knew could not compete with what I was told every day in school.
Thank God that He uses painful things in our lives to mold us into whom He wants us to be. I am not the same quiet, meek, too tall, too skinny, always apologizing for my existence kind of girl. I actually have battled the bulge for the last 12 years, (kids will do that to you). Because I had the experience of being bullied, not in the push and shove, getting beat up kind of bullied, but in the ripping out your soul bit by bit way-I have chosen to raise my boys to not only be kind to those that are different, but to take up for the underdog. I am so proud of my boys.
So last night "when I walked into the room and they looked up and they put their heads together and begin talking and staring at me, I stared them down. They looked away. When they looked up to see if I was still looking, I smile and nod." They were 3 different generations of mean girls, I could tell. I'm not going anywhere, I have a voice, I deserve to have a place at the table.
I write this today to encourage you. When you are facing a situation or a battle that you think may be too much. That you can't do it. It's too big, remember that God has molded you and brought you through everything in your life for this time. Everything that has happened to you is a chapter in your book, His book, to be used for His purpose. Keep your head up and your hand on the plow. Don't give up.
Romans 8:28
Wow! Been there....yes you do have a voice!
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