Why do People Leave the Church? Part 2

Why do people leave the church? Part 2

Yesterday I posted several questions that I had asked 16 families over the last year, as their reasons for leaving the church that they called their home. Some had been at their church for 15 years, some just under a year. I know that some that may read this will automatically believe I am talking about my most recent home church. Some of the experiences are from there, but it is important to remember that peoples experiences are both unique, and the same everywhere. It's beyond complicated. I have on my FB friends list approximately 11 pastors. They all bring a special calling to the vision of the Lord. My hope in posting this is not tick anyone off but to instead, get the leadership in the churches to step out of their box, their vision, and see what the people that had pledged their loyalty and support are going through. Leaving a church is not taken lightly. It is very painful. Very emotional. Below are the answers to the questions I asked. In the {brackets and italics} you will find my 2 cents. Everyone knows, I always have an opinion. That why I have a blog. Lol.
Question 1: Why did you leave the church? Although there were specific hurts involved, most people stated that they left the church because they felt no longer useful in the pastors 'vision' and the role of the 'church' in todays world. Many felt they had tried to communicate with the leadership, only to have their concerns fall on deaf ears. {Others just faded away}.
Question 2: Did you tell anyone you were leaving? Only the few that held positions in leadership or on the worship team talked about possibly finding another church home,(with leadership) before actually leaving. All felt that conversation, was or would be awkward. {My personal experience is that when you leave a church, you don't leave your church family. There will be weddings and funerals at your former church, and leaving amicably will make those occasions less awkward.}
Question 3: If you didn't tell the Pastor you were leaving, did he contact you when you did? No, no calls, visits, texts, emails from the pastor, across the board.{Interesting}
Question 4: How important is worship? VERY important. Everyone thought that worship was one of the most important parts of the church service. The style is less important. However, many of the over 40's group would like to hear more hymns, even if it's not in the traditional ways they heard them when they grew up in the church. More important was the volume. One women said, "It shouldn't hurt to worship," {I am on greeter duty more weeks than not, and see week after week people leaving the sanctuary, til worship music is done, and even leaving the service altogether when the music is too loud. My ears are not sensitive to loud music. I am still an 80's metal head at heart, even so, worship at church is not, and should not be a concert setting, just saying}
Question 5: How important are programs: Nursery, kids, young adults, mens, womens, seniors? Programs in general? Again, VERY important. The consensus is that we humans are relationship driven creatures. We need age appropriate Christian education to grow in the Lord, to fulfill His purpose in our lives. Also, it was repeatedly noted, the importance of the fellowship involved in these groups. {We need each other, and we need a place to bring our family members all ages, and-walks of life}.
Question 6: Is midweek bible or book studies important? Yes. Studying a book in the Bible, verse by verse, is needed to better understand God's Word. Book's that are biblically based, to encourage growth in a certain area of life, can be transforming. {I am not sure who he is quotes, but Dave Ramsey will often say 'we will be the same person a year from now except for books that we read.' Makes sense to me.}{When my church stopped doing Wednesday night Bible-Book studies, we also stopped the Wednesday night kids ministry. At the time, I was bringing an at risk child, to this kids group, whom I was watching grow and change. His parents are not Christians, nor will make the effort to bring him to church, any church. The loss of this program was a huge blow. When others offered to step in, to keep the program going, it was said, "If we can't do it with excellence, we won't do it." Wow, really? I guess I thought the message that was given to these kids, was more important than the performance in which it was given. Again, Just Saying.}
Question 7: Outreach vs. Discipleship. Do you think there can be a balance? Absolutely! The overwhelming feeling is that there has to be. How can we show unbelievers a better life if we are so caught up in our baggage, dramas, etc. If our lives look no different than theirs. Getting saved ensures our eternal life. We need discipleship, so that we can actually be of use to the Lord. {Having outreaches is important, what do you do with these people after the sinner prayer is said?}
Question 8: If you could remain totally anonymous, and you will, what would you let the Pastors know? This was a tough one. Some wanted to count for more than a weekly tithe. Some wanted their opinions on worship songs, a programs to count for something. A few felt that when they voiced their opinions on something, their talent, service was fazed out while at the same time, the leadership were trying to others involved in what they were 'released' from. Others felt that during the last year they have gone through the worst times of their lives, and never got a call from the Pastor or staff.
Those were the answers to the questions that I asked people who had moved on from my congregation(s), as well as other area churches. It is summed up in one word. Expectations. More on Expectations tommorow